We triumph
in the assertion of our taking.
Each, the inhale…
…
its release, the surrender.
The truth of life
begins
at the sigh
…
the hesitant moment
that
straddles eternity.
REASON’S FAILURE
1/22/10
You & I disagree.
You
can do anything
to make your point
You have
no reason to do othertwise.
I, reason’d,
will be reasonable
and attempt to reason.
You will win.
You may have used a rock.
Turned On
(from a Nov 09 post)
Monday
it rains
upon this final idle
Shortly
my journey
will return me
to my daily
Daily
my brain dashes me
upon the rocks
my choices heap about me
Lay on
Macduff…
I will be beckoned again
and I will do as I am told
and I will do again
that which my earthen choices
insist be done
But now
here
now
I stand, still
failing
with each first person
singular
that needles me
mocks me
Oh…you’re for YOU
are you?
How noble!
How virtuous!
How selfless!
Wait
do you feel
the waves crashing
eroding
inexorably
endlessly?
Flee through instinct
Escape through empathy
a fiction, a story
safety, safely
until the restless shore
in its violet violence
unmoors, even there
and the place away
beckons and becomes
me today
The mist
will miss
and I amidst
will drip and splash
and be remiss
These drops of words
cannot dismiss
the world whose soul
I cannot kiss.
It uses less
nigh uselessness
pointing me
to pointlessness
It’s only me
that makes the mess
To find the mess
less
ness
depress the switch
to
OFF
Then
the journey
shall beckon
once again
to the daily
Daily
The tide will sigh
the rocks will dry
a glimmer will shimmer
to strike my eye
The sun gives all
it will draw
my still to fall
asleep
By Force
(from a July 09 post)
I see the lost
I see those surrounded by few
loved by few (perhaps)
aided by few
supported by few
alone fending for themselves
and scratching through their existence
what do they know
what do they ponder
how do the moments of their existence
happen amidst their awareness?
How do they continue?
Through no other choice?
I wonder how far removed am I
and how much remove I add to me
to lessen my remove from them
and whether I can see to
try things differently
I see what I see and think
for these days I’m driven to little
and this is what’s left
I see the joyful
Their exuberance pours forth
I stand amazed
wondering how their thoughts
flash move expound
so they seem to keep themselves there
what do they know
what do they ponder
how do the moments of their existence
happen amidst their awareness?
What do they do to continue?
I see the determined
Those that have a plan
a place to drive their wants
and see them to fruition
as best as they’re able
Is “the wanting” so easy to justify
that it is self-evident
and requires no overt action or choice?
THIS question…is paramount
for, were I to WANT
and were I to be able to convince myself
that “the wanting” is rigfhteous…
WELL, then, there’d be fewer issues
I’d be more driven
I’d be more joyful
I’d be less alone…
I want…yet do not want to want.
I wish I did not want.
I conclude that my wanting is
symptomatic
And that “wanting less” creates more virtue
which…has a satisfaction
but…lacks satisfaction
The Aesthetic herds me to beauty.
I shall not want.
Except when my ego gets in the way
when THAT happens, then I feel
empty
alone
pointless
superfluous
And there I was
thinking my ego was dead…
…or so it would have you believe.
On To Logy
6/17/08
Moments pile
as the labor of love
now lost
removes more than the events
which it encompassed
One less passive facet
One less blank filled
blank again to fill up
by waiting
his virtue stands by
watching how much arises
around amidst amongst
but beside, away, removed
the contrast lessens
the lines of
this stinktion
distinction
shimmer slimmer
but not blurred
for the convex glass
pressed to the crystal
reveals the marrs
and pits and flaws
of thinking thinking thinking
do
NOT
a certain assertion
might greedily self-ishly
insist and expect and demand
to shout
Lemme in
Lemming
the style facet creates
to re-create
and blaze the path
past the in sign
to in sign nificance
that which is loses asset mass
be gone
be less
be not while be ing
for yourself
nothing
for all, one less
moment of
exacerbating
exasperation
for all, one less
exhale to expire.
awake
again exhaust
until…not
A Train Ride 0408 (appearing in the Apr 30 Panzee Press)
I sat
so apparently still;
my posture no different
had the moment prior
been less serendipitous.
I thought
so dazzlingly frantic;
my images vast and new
from the moment prior
being so unexpected.
I watched
so steadfastly still;
the speeding train
stretching the lines
as the moment prior
moved further away.
I learned
so luminously bright;
the picture of the moment
snapping my mind to clarity
as the rhythm soothed
and cleared my turmoil.
I walked
so bouncingly light;
without expectation –
without fear –
my love revealed
and reveled.
rage on anon 0308
the battle rages on
what do I perceive?
what is real?
what is contrived?
the true smackdown habit
pulls my focus
again again again
makes me wonder
how much
how little
how relevant
how applicable
how resonant
it hums in me
it purrs it wonders
it speculates
and waits
leaves me gasping
kicking
screaming
resolving somehow
it is as it has been
it remains
demanding my attentions
the corner where
a turn and surprise
spoke with alacrity, clarity
it was all
it was everything
it is nothing
now, save my energy
my synapses crackle and pop
how could such a candle
remain and retain and forego
turn another corner
and bump again
to find that nothing
has changed while all is different
the gaze unfettered unwashed
unabated locked
to where my voice fritters and cracks
now is only the time
the small time
the THIS time that
catharts to release, perhaps
perhaps not
likely not
likely never
only this time
turn the courage knob
and weave and bob
inside always inside
inside always
interpret to my own ends
berate my optimism
my foolish speculation
dance you fairy again
please again please AGAIN
PLEASE
cement to certainty
to cease my cryptic
not cryptic
stop words stop
change chains of time
locks locked
knowing but not knowing
what would you have next of me
for this is this
which is only now
until another version
later changed and remains
still
PAIN
Harsh unforgiving pain
Lingering motivating pain
I’ll scar myself, poke myself
Gauge myself so my pain has
substance and dimension
Drape my pain
Adored and adorned
Earrings of pain
Pain art on my skin
Needle red needle red needle red
Needle moot
My colors my image my choice
See what I’ve endured to give
vibrant voice to my pain
Live in and with my pain
so all can see that I pain
how I pain
My heroism folds my pain
into my brave definition
Pain is truth so it goes to those
Be not indifferent ignorant
Unaware
I expect you to feel my pain
Know my pain
Pain you to define you as me
inevitable, unavoidable, yes?
You must scar for I
You must hurt for I
I suffer so must you as me
I strike
I strike out
Swing, and a miss
It didn’t hurt
Pain lasts an instant
and resolves
lest choice let it linger
Sexy pain
Divine pain
Scar me as you
fuck me pain
Megaphone pain
Trust no doltempath
I’ll tell you, thank you
Presume not, project not
You sympleton
can’t see can’t guess
my pain
Mine mine mine
Me pain I pain
So fuck you
for my release
for when I pain
you will too
And you will know I am
The Pain
As I lay my pain upon you
and ease my suffering
happy, happier to share
A muse
Duh
STILL
Stillness
An apparition that pulses and
from back to front and back
to front
and
Commands the exercises
disciplines to maintain
despite – and with respite
and fairies so armed
to wipe
your perception clean
Pomp and circumstance
Flint and tinder
Tho it won’t burn
Heat, fuel, oxygen
Bridges built from stone
Er…no more as it reveals itself
as flight for fancy
a dandy lying
No pound, no spank, no choke
as it reveals itself
as safe
Tea, warm and fruity
Present pleasant remains
undefeated as pain in queue
heads to the locker room
to press the conference
of reality
So
what?
So long
as the jolt
So long as the joke
chokes spittle, sweat and blood
Another chunk will fall
and
make junk of the engine
debunk the spittle, sweat and blood
suffer with no tears
idle, casual confrontation
intentless
The Commute of Death
(appearing in the Jan 9 Panzee Press)
“Dammit!” Franklin cursed
whatever nicked his ear
and turned to confront the
too-close idiot on the subway.
Death could only shrug in apology –
he never knew where to point the scythe.
Franklin found another car.
Death wondered why
they always think it makes
a difference, and continued
scanning the obituaries.
Death looked out the window
at the next stop, luring
Claire into another cigarette;
the slow ones felt tedious.
Go ahead and have
that third doughnut, Tim.
Death glanced at the strobing
somber faces around him
knowing their mood would
lift when he reached his stop.
Death was never jostled while exiting;
everyone gave him a wide berth
then sighed with relief.
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Stabbed
Written Aug 9 2007; published here Nov 30 2007
I assert and I implode
I assert and I defy
I want in righteous celebration
When you have no fear
I deny your fear to assert my own
I assert my fear to feed my ego
I assert my fear to define me
I assert my fear to assert my existence
I assert my existence because
I am not everything around me
I am only a part of it
Everything is beautiful
And I am not
But I am part of everything
So I have beauty
And to be the righteous part
Of the aesthetic
Is a choice that first tells you
That you exist
And that you have a choice
And there is ALL OF THIS
That is not you
Where you and your choice exist
There must be all that is not you
For there to be you
You are not all
You are not everything
You are not beautiful
But you have beauty
Because you are a part
The aesthetic bargain
Accept with joy what the aesthetic gives you
And Give all the beauty you can.
But be careful –
You have beauty,
But you are not beautiful
You have that which is not beautiful
You have you.
You have that which is not beautiful.
And the further along we go
The more frightening the solutions become
And all the comics want to rail
Against the windmill at The Big Joke
For they stand catatonic to how ridiculously
Blindly stupidly
ALL OF OUR OWN CHOOSING
We are in denying how we each assert our little existences
Stab my chest
She’s the best
Stretch my face
Not a waste
Diskintent paints your walls
All you got is your pain
And you had to figure out
How to be happy with your pain
Tuesday afternoon, 3:00pm
Another day & afternoon of fantasizing about singing all these different songs at open mike
and knowing that I won’t.
Here nor there – if I were meant to sing, I’d be singing.
And I do often enough. Just by myself, ‘zall. Woelessly.
Every song is a delight in its own way.
I’m teetering again, wondering how much regard to give
my inner voice and how much distrust to place upon it given its source and proclivities.
My inner voice wants to steer me in a most unconventional fashion.
My inner voice –my string, as I’ve been so fond of referring.
The string I’ve been holding onto is suggesting things to be “true and virtuous”
I am meant to be doing them and I am perfectly suited…
but the choices I would make in that pursuit defy much that others would claim as conventional, or even wise.
I Am The Truth Machine.
Sure, what the hell, why not?
I extend my first piece in the manner of continuing to approach rudimentary questions
and wishing to talk of them.
I talk. What I human Philip do at this moment, though, is NOT talk.
In these moments, I write. You will read at a later time.
We will communicate, but it not be in the physical environment.
That is sad for us.
But I believe it needs to be said
for I believe we must acknowledge some very, very scary things.
We need a Truth Machine.
And if, for this moment, I am prevented
from talking with all of you about these things,
I can still at least communicate them
And though we communicate not at the same time
I know that if you are reading these words
you WANT to read them.
You have to WANT the Truth Machine for it to work.
And here’s why.
Because it IS
The Truth….it has nothing to do with the machine.
And the truth IS
The Truth.
And truth is reality.
And reality is only this moment.
And when you want the truth, all you really have to do is turn your head.
Because it’s right over there, right where you left it.
You’re a Truth Machine, too. When you want to be.
And if I’m a Truth Machine, I want to talk because that’s when other people turn into Truth Machines, too.
I believe we must talk of The Truth.
We must speak only of reality.
We must all acknowledge the truth behind the creation of the ego
The more it is denied, the bigger the Big Joke gets.
Thursday morning.
It never began, it will never end
Wrap your head around every is that was
Combined to create the condition that is
And there is conflict and opposition and change
So there must be time because you must mark somehow
And acknowledge that there is the condition
The aesthetic
The everything
And that it will change
And the difference between everything that is before the change
And the new is that comes after the change
Is Time.
And everything, combined to create
The wholeness of all existence and condition
In the moment it is being observed
Is undeniably beautiful.
Wait, wait. We have to start earlier than that.
There is more than one thing.
Yes, let’s start there.
There is more than one thing
Because
One thing cannot achieve its own
Complete definition
Inevitably, a thing’s definition must include
That which it is NOT
I cannot fully define a thing
Until I am outside of the thing
And its existence is acknowledged wholly
When that which is NOT the thing
Distinguishes and thus identifies the thing
If there is no “outside” of the thing
If there is nothing that the thing is NOT
Then there would only be one thing
And the thing would be ignorant of itself
For there would be nothing that it is not
This is your paradise.
This is your heaven.
It can never be reached.
And one part of The Big Joke
Is that deep down most all
Of us already know this.
So, all that to reiterate and lay the foundation behind
There is more than one thing.
So, now that I have more than one thing
Let’s continue.
Baby steps.
There are two things.
POOF! You now have three things.
Why?
Because once you have two things
Each aiding the other to complete
Their individual definitions
You now also have the condition
Place circumstance of their mutual existence
You have their sum
You now have the third thing
Everything
The condition situation moment
Of the coexistence of the two things
YES IT IS COEXISTENCE
Now that we have an everything
And we have the two things
Let us now consider one of the things
It cannot wholly define itself
It is in a condition
And with another thing
It cannot know of itself
But it must know of the other thing
And the condition they’re in
It MUST interact
It is DRAWN to the other thing
The other thing
(There’s still only two)
Is behaving just the same
So the two things are drawn towards each other
BIG PROBLEM
They’re drawn to try and become the same thing
But they cannot do so
For then there would be only one thing
Conflict
The loss of all.
Nope. Not today, lady, not today…
Repel.
A NEW everything.
A different everything
The condition has now changed
Because the two things attempted to resolve.
There is now the condition – the aesthetic
The everything
That exists after the two things
Repelled each other.
SOMETHING HAPPENED.
Thus, there is the everything before what happened
And everything that is after what happened.
And it will happen again
For the exact same reasons
So Einstein’s pithy little piece of brilliance
Time exists because everything can’t happen all at once
Is precisely and wholly true
And we know that we cannot change or stretch
Or alter time
(If you think you can, fine…
Make a planet first, then get back to me, ok?)
The more fantastic the statement
The more brazen the denial
The more assertive the ego
The more frightened the person
Because the person is……well, we’ll get back to this
We’re still here at the beginning.
We’re now at four, maybe even five things
1 Thing 2 Other Thing 3 Condition before Attract/Repel
4 Condition after Attract/Repel
(?) 5 The act of Attract/Repel that separates the two conditions
(?) 5 The moment that prevents resolution
I think there’s five things there
You can feel it’s Time I’m going for
What I want to tag
(It’s what we do, you know)
It is there you know it so we can tag it
So, now we get back to the thing
And the condition it’s in
And the other thing it’s attracted to
And the attempt to resolve
And the denial the repel
And the new condition
Must all be dealt with
And is the consideration of the thing
Because it does not know of itself
Because at this moment it must
Survive it must exist to define the other thing
And it must exist for itself so
It will survive
And to survive it must maintain itself
Against the other thing
And in the ever-changing condition
Of their existence
Its survival depends on its interaction and maintenance
With other things and the conditions
So it turns its attentions out not in
Knowledge outside of self is necessary for survival
Knowledge of self is not
(Does anyone hear Genesis in all of this?
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth
Or something like that
There’s your three things
The heavens and the Earth and God
The everything
The aesthetic)
But anyway, back to early man
(Universe, stars, Sun, Earth, water
climate change, proteins, motion
will, adaptation, tropics, monkeys
thinking)
Early man makes the choice to be
Rational Man
Thinking Man
I will make my way on this planet
And strive for my survival
For I’ve learned over and over
That the more I come to know
Of what is around me and the more
I find better answers by asking
Questions about my problems
Fire.
Fire, I think, had a lot to do
With man making the choice
To be a thinking, reasoning
Being.
Tripping upon the safety
Warmth and light it provides
Learning of its dangers
Then harnessing controlling
Then creating
Benefits across the board
We’re still using
To control fire
To summon fire
Captures time
Feels as though you bring a new thing upon the aesthetic
It gets kind of complicated for me after
that. I’m just me, after all
But what I think happens – kind of all at the same time
Happened when the coin was flipped on the interaction
Between fire and man and the coin came up tails
Fire – man Fear Repel
Again
Again
Again
18 gazillion bazillion times until the first
Fire-man attract
The first movement towards resolution
Is accommodation
The mutual right to existence
Fire accommodates man
Without man trying
And bestows benefits
Tails
The aesthetic brings benefits
To man without man trying
The aesthetic brings knowledge
To man without man trying
The aesthetic brings to man
The knowledge of opposition
Of duality
Of fire-attract and fire-repel
Of fire-life fire-death
I learn, through infinite binary choices
(repel/repel/repel/repel/attract)
Of fire-good and fire-bad
The good is MUCH larger than the bad
Light heat transition!
The aesthetic brings to man
Without man trying
The knowledge of the moment of transition
The flame creates the manner by which man’s
Senses can bring the moment of change into the mind
The flame is the transfer of energy
The flame is TIME
The flame acknowledges visualizes brings into existence realizes
THAT WHICH HAPPENS
to move from the previous condition to the next
And also distinguishes the two conditions
And man learns through fire
That learning can be of immeasurable aid
To survival
The acquisition and discernment of knowledge
Acquired through
observation and
(here’s another binary)
trial and error
interact – attract or repel?
Previous condition – subsequent condition
And to learn and to acquire knowledge is
The act of definition
(“Man named all the animals” for those of you still hanging onto the Bible)
all happened before fire brought an order of magnitude difference
between good survival and bad survival
The arbirtrariness of learning in the aesthetic is infinite and immeasurable
Man-rock above him good
Man-rock over him good
Man-rock over him bad
Fire magnifies the difference
Defines the aesthetic for man
Man commands the aesthetic when he harnesses fire
Man asserts with fire his own survival
An order of magnitude over all else
And survival is good
So learning is good
And using fire is good
And you learn of the aesthetic
But your definition of the aesthetic is still incomplete
Because you do not see yourself yet
Your world is you-centric
It must be (you’re you, after all)
You will interact with the aesthetic without knowledge of yourself
But only with the knowledge of other things
And your perception that everything ELSE is everything
Until you think you’re a thing
Fire is the interaction with you the thing and the thing that is everything
Fire is the coin flipped tails between you
And the aesthetic
And you are drawn to the aesthetic
When it does not repel you
And you want to be the aesthetic
Because it is beautiful
And at the same time
You know that you are seen
In the aesthetic
That you are a thing
And at the same time
You then learn that you are
Indeed
Close to
The embodiment of
A vital part of
Representative of
everything
the aesthetic, the beauty
But not……………everything
Only a part
And you are not beautiful
And each I am
Assaults the aesthetic
And you know it
And you are cursed
And you have beauty
And there’s WAY too much I can
Point to on this planet
That is fear driving the ego to assert the definition
And existence of humankind
By taking what it wants
As many times as there have been lives
And you want me to value
Getting a job and making money
So I can get a roof and clothes
And try to not die
In a world of man-made carnage on my body
My teeth? Thank you, humankind,
For wanting sweets and taking what you want
Where I might walk at this moment no sugar grows
The wild and would mix with what else I might
Digest
This food is yucky and I am man so I can do what I want
So, for me, the condition of my mouth is the result
Of all the conditions that have led to this one
And I can acquire the nutrients I need
And interact with the food in my mouth
Without the vanity and the need to define
“You need money to survive”
Do you?
I must be, as part of the aesthetic
I must interact with the other parts of the aesthetic
I already am, so “being” is taken care of for me
Not only by my own definition
But by how I am defined outside of myself
My knowledge of the aesthetic
Gives to me my complete definition
And I must interact with the other things
That are also part of the aesthetic
And I need not assert my definition
I need not let the fear that rises
From knowing the self when you know the aesthetic
And knowing you are not beautiful
Create an ego that will assert that definition
And insist on the parameters of your definition
For that is an assault on the aesthetic
Fear is an assault
We must acknowledge and mend
Ours assaults on the aesthetic
Driven by fear, driven by ego
Driven by unfettered egomaniacal dominance
That has placed everything in such jeopardy
Thanks for listening.
Philip
One Perspective 