excerpt

(originally posted on this site Apr 2010)

There is a way through this, to go beyond where I am. I lack courage, and am selfish.
And by that, I mean…

– Wait. You need to know that, for me, hours and sleep have happened since the first sentence above. That’s the secret of the written word – you don’t read the pauses.

anyway…

There is the “musing” about writing in here…for I am, indeed, writing, and that can serve a good end.
Oh, how I would entertain you

And there IS an end to these means, and if it is to be you that presses my pen to paper, then it must happen for a reason…

You listen so well here

Courage…is a choice away from the self; a choice made with the self in context of the ALL versus the center of the ALL
And you do, after all, empower me
transform me
energize me
inspire me
…but it is, quite literally, approximate.

And the lesson – and the COURAGE – may well lie in that choice
made with you in close proximity
continued to be made those times you are in far proximity.

And how does that question apply when that which is approximate
is NOT a single thing
a person
YOU

…for it cannot – and I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this – be YOU that empowers, transforms, energizes, inspires…to the COURAGEOUS choice, with no approximation…everybody. I mean, the numbers alone are unmanageable. (Sheesh – wrote all that just for a joke.)

And three hours later, I write again. My life is happening in between these paragraphs…and I resist the urge to share them, for it is, now, somehow, the accumulation…and the ever Ever EVER imminent changes upon me…he says courageously…stagnantly…fearfully…self-ish-leee.

And they are significant, these things that happen, for they define the arc of the change –
– the, to be mathematical (musical!?!?)…what is the equation that, if a person knew it, could create the arc in their journey?

But in the speaking of what that equation IS, it is NOT “what happens;” it is not the arc itself.
And here, in this book, all that is happening between these paragraphs (my “life,” as previously mentioned) are the oranges to the apples of “the plan.”

– to speak of what is to be done –
…despite the fact that I am perpetually unresolved on the point of whether I’m successful in my own personal version of doing what’s to be done.

[I would suggest adding a little COURAGE to that.]
Impose the will.
Why does the reason’d mind fail so easily? Perhaps because it increases the likelihood of “NOT want” which is, at its core, a fear-creating condition…so then, what must the reason’d mind do?

What INDEED must the reason’d mind do, given all that is – independent of “want”? [That is, the “is” that is given is acknowledged and considered as independent of perception…and is beyond any skewing of “that which is given,” which would be skewed to some nefarious end that brings the self-ish ones closer – so they think – to “what they want.”]

The question sits so loud, so constantly:
GIVEN _____________…what do you DO?

It all, does, really…no, really…
begin with
GIVEN…

Any question of “What to Choose?”
must begin with “What you Have” from which to choose.

(The next instinctual act is to whittle “What You Have” into ‘relevant’ and ‘irrelevant’ so it’s more manageable…but be careful! )

But yes, it must be done
for there simply is not enough time.

The moment and the moment pending
approach faster than you – any –
are able.

It is unreasonable, then,
for each choice of “What Will You Do?”
that lies at the gate
of each moment
to acknowkledge
consider
reflect on ALLLLLLL that is given.

You could consume every remaining moment
of your life
in that action which
affirms ALLLLLLLLL that is given
prior to the moment.

The sums are vast.
How poetic.

They unfold & reveal
effortlessly
in countless numbers.

They writhe in ecstasy,
says Kafka.

Why do I not?
What do I fear?

Oooooooooooooo…THAT all ties back to proximity & courage.